Hi! Hello…taps microphone…it’s been a while!
I started this blog with high hopes and aspirations of creating the book blog that I would want to go to as a reader. However, I quickly realized, as I began to write my first book review, and as I reread the words that I had written, that I was filled with dread and concern of what others would think of me. Would they criticize my thoughts and opinions? Would they think I was a crappy writer? Would they make fun of my new adventure and ambitions? I thought ALL the things!
Who are these people? I don’t even know. Perhaps my “friends” on Facebook–you know, the ones you went to high school with who you follow. You know that there daughter just had a birthday or that their family just went on vacation but you wouldn’t actually go up and talk to them out in public. Or perhaps my work colleagues who see my post promoting my blog and read it and judge. This fear of judgement caused me not to be as excited about this project as I initially was and cast this self doubt which honestly took all the joy out of it. Heck, it hasn’t really even produced enough content to create any joy–or at least the space for joy. I was trying to mold myself into the version of blog writer that I thought I wanted people to see me rather than who I actually was (and even writing that right now seems pretty self righteous, I mean, I’m sure no one even gave it a second thought!).
At the same time, I discovered through Facebook notifications one day a large uptick in the number of followers on the Between Two Books page. I thought…wow, I must be kicking ass…and then I thought…something doesn’t seem right. I then discovered that Between Two Books had mentioned by another Facebook page. Upon clicking on that link to that Facebook post, I realized that my Facebook fame that day could be contributed to another famous book club that happens to have the same name. Ever heard of Florence + The Machine? You’ve definitely heard their music. Anyways, Florence + The Machine has a book club also aptly named Between Two Books. How I got to the Facebook name first is beyond me, but albeit, I did. This large upswing in “followers” could be attributed to a case of mistaken book club identity. Although I’m more than happy to have the hundreds that liked my blog page, I somewhat felt like a fraud. However, I’m sure by now, that if you are indeed one of those followers that thought you were getting the Florence+The Machine’s book club, you have figured out by now that this is not that page.
BUT, I’m here to tell you that between the fear of feeling like people were judging me and that I had surreptitiously tricked people into thinking that this page was something that it wasn’t…I am Shaking it Off (I also love a good pun). I am no longer being held back by this judgmental fear–it’s silly to be honest. I am going to put my true, authentic book loving self out there (including the cheesy books–you know, the guilty pleasure ones) and create the space that I want and one that I hope others will find helpful as well. I’m looking forward to sharing with you some books that helped with this self realization and this ever growing journey that I am on. I hope you will join me.